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Make absolutely no preparations. Anyone who sets negotiation objectives merely constrains themselves unnecessarily. Who wants a yardstick for the success of their negotiations? Thinking about arguments and possible counter-arguments would be a complete waste of time. Simply improvise something.
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Make the conditions as unpleasant as possible. Choose a cold room (but with stale air), preferably without windows, or position your negotiating partner in harsh sunlight. Never serve drinks or small snacks.
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If you do not define the subject of the negotiations, the probability of reaching an outcome becomes much smaller. Be as vague as possible. Do not draw up an agenda either. Instead, rely on spontaneity.
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Do not under any circumstances allow too much time for the conversation. A snappy 30 minutes should really suffice in any conceivable situation.
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Politeness and a well-groomed, professional manner are generally overrated. You want to be loved for your personality, not your appearance. If you cannot be bothered, you do not need to make eye contact with your counterpart or listen to them. Stand by your lack of interest.
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A friendly tone will make you appear weak. You want to get your way. Make this clear from the outset. You can also mumble, to provoke misunderstandings and perhaps gain an advantage because your counterpart has not understood you. This can also be achieved very effectively by peppering your speech with as many absurd technical terms as possible.
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You can completely ignore your negotiating partner's wishes regarding the outcome of the negotiations. You do not want to reach an agreement - you want to win. Your counterpart should subordinate themselves to you entirely. Practise self-promotion and do not let your negotiating partner get a word in edgeways. If they do manage to speak, interrupt them immediately. Win-win situations are for the faint-hearted! So are compromises!
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If you have brought the negotiations to a standstill in no time at all, you are on the right track. Now you have two options:
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Option 1: Resort to unfair negotiating tactics. Put pressure on your counterpart, ignore all objections, blackmail them, fly into a rage. You are not aggressive - you have bite.
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Option 2: Become passive now. Make it abundantly clear that you are not engaged. Your attention span is simply no more than 20 minutes. Let your counterpart do as they please. You could not care less. What is on at the cinema?
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Once it is clear that the negotiations will fail, make sure you burn every bridge. Under no circumstances do you want to end up doing business together again in the long run. Make sure your counterpart shares this view.
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Should you reach a successful conclusion to the negotiations despite your best efforts, be sure to leave a number of truly important, preferably contentious, points undiscussed. This way, your chances of achieving failure at the second attempt remain strong.
